Thus I claim that my heart is now unburdened. Gods eyes are my clear vision. I lovingly forgive myself for being unable to accept and understand the full dynamics of my family. I now accept that my acting out toward my family and pushing them away was based in fear anger and bitterness and was a little girls attempt to save her family from dying an emotional spiritual death and the fear of one or all of them dying from the chains that kept them imprisoned.
I also now understand that I was struggling to remember other abuses in my life. These unconscious secrets left me deeply depressed and I acted out in rage projecting it onto my family. I felt deep shame for my behavior as a child as I did not mean to be mean. Today I know, I was not a bad girl, I was not wrong, I was a wounded girl. I did not destroy my family with my acting out and refusing their love for me. We were not bad people we were hurt and wounded people. Each of us with our own set of secrets bound by silence. We were a family doing the very best we could to function with illness secrets and denial.
I now release all judgments all left over bitterness and resentments and my unrealized hopes and dreams for our family and any unmet needs and desires of how I hoped our family could be healed. I realize the great good in each of us and with all of my heart I say to you that I am sorry for pushing you all away. To each of you I say that I love you deeply and I miss you each and every day. With love I release each of you to the Light knowing you are free. With love I will continue the daily practice of forgiving myself.
There is profound and deep truth to the statement: "Forgive and love before its too late." It took the last of my family to die, my mom, to finally understand the depth and fullness of our family dynamics and understand both the good and the wounded parts of us. We each loved each other greatly and tried to the best of our ability to express that love to one another.
There is nothing within me that will block the circulation of forgiveness and love. I allow Spirit to fully enter my being for complete healing and understanding of my life. I realize that we each are teachers and students for one another. I continue to learn the lessons and incorporate the teachings in order to be an example of healing in action for others.
With a grateful heart I am deeply honored that my parents chose me to be their daughter and my brother chose me to be his sister. I honor my mother and father and I honor my brother and with each day I will practice honoring myself. I represent a family that fought through their childhood wounds and suffering in order to create a family full of love and security. We walked this path together side by side holding hands and without a doubt we deeply loved each other. The gifts from my family are insurmountable and I am committed to sharing their blessings and the wisdom gained with others so they too can gain the deep understanding of their past and learn to heal forgive and love.